In life, a person seeks a goal, a direction, a meaning. In life, a person is looking for a partner, friends, environment. In life, a person is looking for a community where he can feel good, share his interests, be among his own. In life, a person looks for an activity that inspires him.
The choice to be bound or free is made by each of us, guided by different motives
Some choose to stay single because they can't trust again after a relationship ends. The reasons may be different - a sense of failure, a feeling of failure in partner relationships, disappointment, insurmountable pain, unexperienced mourning for the ended relationship, fear of another injury.
Others remain alone because they do not find a partner who inspires them, attracts them, is interesting to them.
Thirds remain alone because, after losing their long-term partner, they cannot imagine another to take his place.
Quads simply prefer to be alone at this stage of their lives.
The face and content of loneliness during quarantine is different for everyone who is alone - because of their individual personal history and because of their age.
Loneliness can be a trial, but it can also be a time for reflection, awareness, rest, recharging, relaxation, insights, new beginnings, doing favorite activities or rest.
Painful experience of loneliness
If you were alone in the time before the quarantine, the tension you feel may come from the fact that the usual ways (walking, visiting cultural or sports events, shopping, training, seminars, meeting friends, traveling etc.) for unloading are currently unavailable.
It is valuable to understand what the voltage "says". My guess is that if there's tension from being home alone, there's also a lingering pain that needs to be seen, discovered, relieved.
I am not writing this article with the intention of giving you advice on how to deal with loneliness. Psychology does not have the answer to all puzzles or difficult situations. Rather, it helps a person see their difficulties and discover their coping resource. My goal is to guide you to hope, as well as to seek what the message of staying at home is for you personally. I hope that in these lines you will find ideas and guidance on how to live these days to the fullest, to find out what is important to you. I'm sure your creative spirit and human wisdom will tell you how to cope.
In the period between 20 and 30 years
a person is oriented towards choosing a profession and realizing himself in it. If this is relevant for you, you can use these days to fill up knowledge or develop your skills in the professional field.
Of course, you can contact your friends online and come up with various virtual activities with them. If your need is not related to professional development, it can be reading, drawing, writing, knitting, creating and letting your imagination create the lifestyle you want to live. Why? Because nothing has appeared in reality before it was first born in the mind.
Age between 30 and 40 years old
is associated with choosing a partner, creating a family, setting up a home. At this age we want to settle down, bond, bond and raise children. If this is your age and you are single, you may turn your attention to your need to connect and the skills to do so. If you need to, you can increase your partnership and relationship awareness through a book or webinar. Currently, online consultations with a psychologist are also relevant - this is also a possible option for work in this direction.
If you are at this age and don't need a partner right now, you might want to work on your relationship with yourself. To look for the answers to the questions: how do you feel about yourself, what do you need to give yourself, what can you do for yourself, what need can you satisfy at this moment. What of what you've been putting off you can do now, or find out what is causing you to procrastinate and holding you back. One always knows in what situation one presses the brakes and what is the reason for it.
If you are between the ages of 40 and 50
and you are alone, probably the discomfort comes from the lack of a partner, family, children. Accumulated negative experience in relationships and relationships is possible. A long-standing relationship or partnership difficulty may be exacerbated. You may have consciously made a choice to be alone.
Discomfort can come from the lack of activity and achievements during quarantine days. How could you transform them in the present moment? A foreign language, a new technical skill? Remember that this is the age when a person is very productive - because of the accumulated knowledge and experience on the one hand, and on the other hand, because he has energy and physical strength.
If you are not afraid of the "difficult questions", you can work on what is causing or fueling the tension in your current situation of social distancing - lack of direction, of purpose, of activity, of environment, of achievements, of own life. What are the achievements you are aiming for? What is it that you are missing? Through which of your qualities and skills can you achieve it if you make it a goal? Is there a subject in which you feel as if you hit a wall, "loop", sink, your energy drains? You could work it out in personal therapy.
At the age between 50 and 60
the reasons for loneliness are also different - lost partner, divorce, children who have left the family, estrangement between partners. Achievements in the profession are no longer the first priority. One is oriented more toward personal satisfaction.
The focus here can be on re-connecting with children - seeing them grow up, dealing with their lives, sharing experiences as adults, through adulthood; to change from the position of a parent talking to their inexperienced child and to speak from the position of a parent talking to their son/daughter, who in turn has become a parent, to exchange experiences, to "allow" them to share with you their achievements from the position of adults. Of course, if you have grandchildren, you can let them introduce you to new technology and have an online family meeting.
In the last few days of online consultations with people over the age of 45, I had an idea. For me, they have valuable life experience in dealing with difficulties and crises because they have gone through what happened in our country since the regime change in 1989 and what followed
economic, social and family crises
after him. It occurred to me that these people could share how they managed to cope, create families, homes, raise children, maintain friendships. In my fantasy, if each of them looked back on their experience and described how they did, it would be a treasured family story. And why not valuable national history.
These crises have taught us something - to value life, to know its value, not to give up on it, to be resistant to trials, to work for the style and level of life that we want. We can turn our gaze to what would be the thing that will help us in the days of quarantine not to give in to fear and despair, not to think about a future economic crisis, but about a favorable outcome and a good perspective? What is it that can help us find hope and a way to cope again?
I don't know how I got to the end, but my last idea is in the direction of memories - both family and friends. I imagine old friends in an online meeting recounting their happy memories, singing, recalling how they went through hardships together, honoring those with whom they have already parted. I imagine a woman in her 60s (or past), writing a recipe book of her delicious meals and desserts to pass down to her grandchildren. Or make a family tree to preserve the memory of the ancestors.
I'm sure you will come up with more valuable ideas!
