Dr. Tsveteslava Galabova: In 92% of cases mothers alienate the child from the father

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Dr. Tsveteslava Galabova: In 92% of cases mothers alienate the child from the father
Dr. Tsveteslava Galabova: In 92% of cases mothers alienate the child from the father
Anonim

There are thousands of cases in our country of children at risk because of their involvement in a conflict between parents. In almost every such case, Parental Alienation Syndrome is present. The data were presented at a national conference on the topic: "The rights and interests of the child in parental conflicts and parental alienation", which was held under the patronage of the national ombudsman. The purpose of the forum is to develop legislative initiatives that will be submitted to the National Assembly for discussion and adoption as a matter of urgency.

The host of the discussion was the Varna District Court, and the initiative was given by judge Penka Hristova from the Civil Department in the Court of Appeal - Varna. It was attended by magistrates from the District and Regional Court - Varna, who specialize in working with minors.

Here is the opinion of the famous psychiatrist on the topic of alienation in the family:

Dr. Galabova, how serious a problem is the Parental Alienation Syndrome for Bulgaria?

- The problem is very serious and is exacerbated by the fact that we have no official statistics to report how serious this problem really is for us. However, at the national conference that was held on this issue in Varna on October 22 for the rights and interests of children and their protection, the entire Varna judicial district was represented, i.e., the three courts - district, city and appellate, with their presidents and many judges - more than 70 magistrates participated, also private bailiffs, lawyers, state judicial enforcement, social services… They moved there and brought themselves under the patronage of Mrs. Maya Manolova, ombudsman of the republic, truly terrifying data. Judges who directly deal with this problem have found it to be very widespread and serious, and those judges who deal with divorce cases. After that, they also receive complaints that the other parent refuses to comply with the court decision in the part - regime of personal relations.

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What we have been able to do in the first place is to define that there is such a problem and to start a fight for a legal change that would effectively thwart or make minimally possible such a single parent order. Everyone noted that more often in Bulgaria it is the mother. And the judges recognized that the case law really is: the children are awarded to the mother, except in some exceptional circumstances. And the mothers in 92% of the cases are the so-called programming parent, i.e., the alienating parent.

An attempt will be made to get some statistical idea of how big the problem is, because now there really aren't any specific numbers. But each of us, I'm sure, knows at least one child who does not fully communicate with both of his separated, divorced parents.

I, as a psychiatrist with a large practice, have seen over the years what happens to such children and what perfect neurotics they grow up to be. How insecure, unstable they are… I have also been an expert in such cases and I have really listened in a courtroom to ugly words from one parent to the other. When I say ugly, I mean really ugly, really offensive. I have seen and heard children who have been so manipulated by one parent that in fact their entire emotionality is directed towards creating hatred for the other parent. And these are children who grow up in a field of hatred, in loathing of the other parent.

I say again, unfortunately, it is more often the mother. Unfortunately, because the mother, being called to give life, at first sight is absolutely illogical, to go against her own child, against what she created with love and gave him life. In our country, there is too much primitivism in relationships, too much emotional poverty, which is actually a prerequisite for creating this Parental Alienation Syndrome. There are many, truly extremely loving, loving men who are deprived of the opportunity to be parents. In practice, they have been turned into donors of genetic material and only maintenance is demanded of them. Which is really terrifying!

How does such an environment affect the child?

- It is extremely crippling to children. They grow up in a bad environment that doesn't teach them anything good.

The problem is really huge because, among other things, when these children grow up, become adults and start a family of their own, they are very likely to carry the behavioral pattern they have seen into their own families. And thus, this problem will be multiplied a thousandfold.

And what is the profile of the already grown child victim of the syndrome?

- I would not undertake to make a profile, because after all, a psychological profile is made with the methods of psychometrics and other specific studies and tests. But children who have grown up in such an environment, who have been taught to hate, who have not been taught to respect the other parent, are most often at risk of developing some form of neurotic illness, with anxiety, panic attacks, phobias, mixed- anxiety depressive disorders and generalized anxiety disorder is huge. And they always visibly have signs of neuroticism.

In addition, very often they become unstable purely psychologically, unsure of themselves, wavering, wandering, emotionally not mature enough. Sometimes they have infantile manifestations. All in all, problems, problems, problems that you don't really die from, but they certainly mark a person's life in a bad way - ie, without them, things could be much better.

How important is the father figure to a child?

- The figure of the father is extremely important for the development of a child. The father is not only a donor of genetic material. The father figure is the pillar of our personal identification as we begin to mature. The father is the person who teaches us to overcome dangers, to deal with them, not to constantly avoid them. You know how a mother protects and a father teaches you to protect yourself.

These are two different types of behavior that a mature person should have seen as a child, learned them. The father imposes the limits, he is the one who demands that the rules be followed, at the cost of experiencing a few "crashes" of the child. So the role of the father is of utmost importance. For boys, this role is also essential in determining gender. So the boy grows up as a man and identifies with the male gender

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This father figure is also very important for the girl. Because through the image of the father passes the image of the girl's future partner when she becomes a woman. And, when that image is ruined, crushed, disgusted, spat upon, defamed, that little girl will have no primal male image to aspire to.

When the damage done to the child's psyche by insulting the parent, whether it is father or mother, it does not matter, because both things are extremely necessary, the child is always the big payer. The words of Metropolitan John of Varna, spoken during the conference, very precisely express this unity of the figures of the mother and the father: Each person carries within himself a home church: the mother is the faith, the father - the pillar. One cannot do without the other!”

And the problem in Bulgaria turns out to be extremely big. A judge from the District Court-Varna, who works on such cases, gave a short exposition, from which it is clear that in fact the institutions that are called to implement these court decisions are practically powerless. These are the police, the State Agency for Child Protection, part of the bailiffs and the court. It turns out that when one parent refuses to let the other parent in, instills hatred in the child and alienates the child from the other parent, as she said, there is nothing anyone can do.

With alimony things are not like that. If he doesn't pay alimony, a writ of execution is taken and the problem is solved.

And how can this problem be solved?

- First, with legislative changes. The MPs present at the conference pledged to lobby for the adoption of such changes. Secondly, with a deepening of the court, when there are such cases, to investigate why the child responds in this way. Now under our law children over 10 can be questioned by a judge. But as usual, and the judges admitted it, when the child is asked with whom he wants to live, the court does not delve into the study of the problem - why he answers like that. Is it because it's learned or because it really wants to. I have also been involved in such cases many times.

If the court asks the question: "Why don't you want to live with your father?", you hear how a 10-year-old child gives you a speech like an adult. In the mouth of a child, the expression: "Because my father is irresponsible" does not connect at all. It's just brainwashed and taught to respond that way.

And, of course, many other measures, such as changes in by-laws, expanding the powers of institutions, in accordance with the law. When it is ascertained according to the relevant order of expertise, Parental Alienation Syndrome, the child should be taken away from the alienating parent and handed over, for at least six months, to the other parent, with the meetings with the alienating person taking place in the presence of the alienating person with whom the child already lives.

Yes, there are also crappy men who do nothing, even more fathers, there are men who bully, there are men who beat, but, unfortunately, especially for Parental Alienation Syndrome, abusers in more a large percentage are women.

Well dear society, let's acknowledge this violence, open our eyes and stop spitting and vilifying decent men just because they are men!

Parental Alienation Syndrome

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) as a term was coined by Dr. Richard Gardner, an American clinical and forensic psychologist. Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is a form of emotional abuse against both the child and the other parent. It is a process in which the child uncompromisingly turns to one parent, the one with whom he usually lives, and also uncompromisingly alienates himself from the other parent, uncritically accepting denigrating, incriminating, sometimes true, sometimes not, accusations that they flow from the "good" parent to the "bad". Gradually, the relationship between the child and the estranged parent is deliberately made difficult, the child reacts emotionally and with more and more negations to the diluted contacts, until the contact is completely cut off

It is most important to realize that SRO represents a break in an existing parent-child relationship, and that in relation to a parent who has no culpable behavior or objective obstacles to having contact with the child. In tender childhood, all kinds of emotional and behavioral abnormalities develop, and in severe forms of SRO, it leads to psychosis and suicide. Even after becoming an adult, the victim of SRO needs help to restore his natural ability to connect well with other people and to meet his needs

PAS affected parents are “normal” fathers and mothers who love their children and are loved by them. Rejection affects that parent with whom the child does not live in the same house, who does not have parental rights or exercises them jointly with the other parent and has or had the right to personal relations

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