Disease also has benefits

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Disease also has benefits
Disease also has benefits
Anonim

This story has been waiting to be told for 20 years. When I first met her character, he was wondering if the path he had chosen was his. He decided the only way to find out was to follow him

We recently met again. He sought me out because he felt overwhelmed by too much work, more responsibilities, stress, tension, missing or deteriorated relationships, difficulties, dissatisfaction and… an illness

Lately, I have been curious to find the answer to a question that can be quite provocative, and that is: "What benefit do I have from the disease (problem, lack of…)?".

I know that when asked like that, it shocks at first. How am I benefiting? What benefit can I get from suffering? Of course I don't want it to hurt! I want to be okay!

It takes time and honesty to understand that when we come to the illness (the difficulties, the stress, the tension, the irritation, the insomnia, the deteriorating relationship, the lack of a partner, etc.), we are actually running away from something else. From what?

For everyone, the answer is individual. I can think of a few examples outside of today's story. Imagine that you want to find a new, more prestigious job, but your teeth get sick and the treatment that lies ahead is expensive and lengthy. Usually in such a case, a person decides to stay in his previous life scenario until he heals his teeth, and then, already tired of work and payments, he is more inclined to postpone the realization of his innermost desire. The benefit - you save yourself the risk of failure (or success), you save yourself the novelty.

You suffer from arthritis, joint stiffness and immobility. Your thoughts are more focused on the intense and constant pain than on plans to develop and change your beliefs. The benefit - you don't take a step forward.

You have experienced a traumatic breakup with a partner. From the feeling of rejection and abandonment, you sink into yourself, enriching your collection of negative ideas about your qualities and capabilities. The benefit - you can stand here for a long time before taking the risk of trying again.

Disease keeps us above the surface

of what's going on in our lives and leaves us no time for deeper, darker and more honest thoughts about the way we live.

Here comes the turn of questions like: Of all the possible ways to protect myself against what is (not) happening in my life and the suffering from it, why did I choose the disease? Why not some other way? Why not some other fantasy?

After these questions, it is possible to come to the insight that illness acts as a substitute that distracts us from the essence of our real anxiety. Substitute is an understatement, our disease has an irresistible appeal, it has some deep and hidden meaning.

Meaning

What is the meaning of sickness?

Is it possible to cure our illness if we discover the meaning it has for us?

In psychology, there is an understanding that the symptoms of the disease are ambassadors of a certain meaning for the person and disappear when the message is understood. Then: What does my illness mean to me? What should I do to discover the meaning of my illness (behavior)? How can I discover a meaning that I have hidden from myself?

Speak. Tell what the disease means to you. Speak without censorship without trying to discover or resolve anything. Let the thoughts flow.

Start with the question: "What would my life be like without the disease?".

And my hero spoke thus:

“If everything in my life is in order, for me it will be a life without thrills and adrenaline, without tension and dynamics, without situations that keep me on my toes. This will be life - routine and work. It will be colorless, predetermined, without magic and passion, without joy. Life in black and white. If I live like this, I will lack exclusivity and distinctiveness. I think that if everything is fine with me, there will be nothing to live for, nothing to inspire and develop me. I will be bored. I will have to dedicate myself to raising a family, taking care of it daily, being responsible, present, committed, committed. No freedom. No development opportunities. Is this the meaning of my life? Working tirelessly for a secure job with steady income so I can provide for the home, daily expenses, partner, children, holidays, vacations, gifts?

I need passion and freedom

To me she means life.

My illness is an escape. Dangerous escape. With her I risk and provoke the limits of life. She is a danger. Before her, I played by the rules of life. Now I'm flirting with her at the limits of those rules. Because of her, I can lose my job, my career, my life. There is some seduction in this balancing on the edge. There is a danger. Seduction is an escape from safety. Living safe for me is dangerous and deadly. If I live in the normal established way, I will not develop and achieve anything new. My idea of such a life lacks exclusivity and thrill.

And now what? Is this the point of my illness - an escape from a deathly safe life? My desire to escape the trap of the tidy everyday life of the average statistical person?

I don't want to live normally, usual, banal! To me such a way of life is a burden!!!…

I don't want a life that many dream of, it terrifies me! Its monotony and predictability terrifies me. It scares me so much that I see it as a life sentence.

And so much I already want to have a wife by my side and raise our children together in our common home…

Am I benefiting from my illness? Thanks to her, I have escaped the prosperity of an orderly life in which I think I will be fatally ensnared.”

- I wonder where this understanding and deep conviction of yours comes from? - I asked.

- I don't know… For me, family is responsibility and obligations, lack of joy and entertainment, lack of favorite activities, lack of freedom. I believe I should have a secure and stable job to support him. I think that there is no passion, no dynamism, no development in such work. I am convinced that the duties in the family are mine alone, that the woman cannot equally participate in it.

- I wonder if you have seen this in anyone?

- From my grandfather. He worked hard and took care of everyone. It so happened that the good moments for him were short-lived and rare. I've heard from him that a woman can't do it alone.

- You know, sometimes out of loy alty to a family member we miss out on living our own life.

- Now I understand that in order to have a family, I will have to change my attitude towards it. To open my eyes to the joy and satisfaction of what has been achieved. To notice passion and love, the dance of partnership. And to understand that there will be new horizons whenever I look for them.

Boryanka BORISOVA, psychologist

• Loy alty - driven by strong love for a family member, we follow his way of life, act like him.

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